Wildlife by Wood Fiona

Author:Wood,Fiona [Wood,Fiona]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
Publisher: Poppy
Published: 2014-08-31T22:00:00+00:00

Eliza has had a ball—she’s found (another) perfect running course and plans on coming back here soon. She’s happy prattling on about twitch fibers and the differing requirements within her training regime for building speed, endurance, and muscle, and how much and what sort of protein she needs to consume before and after exercise. Holly joins in every so often, offering bizarre “facts” from the world of the Gorgon’s eating rules book, which includes weird stuff like no carbs after 7 PM, and sundry other tasty and calorie-free tidbits that she’s picked up from various celebrity diets.

They are walking a bit ahead; I am half listening and wondering about the hows and whys of being friends with Holly. Since we were first friends, it was understood that she was the more important one. She called the shots, and I went along. I had to put her first, but she could put me second. I had to be available, and ready to be dropped if a better offer came along. I could be, and often was, in trouble with her over various things entirely based on her whims. I, on the other hand, did not have automatic rights to be cross with her. Although even Holly understood that I would occasionally reach a breaking point resulting from active abuse or neglect, and crack. Then she had the option of soothing me and assuring me we were best friends, and I would sooner or later accept the assurances.

I was always vaguely aware that the power balance sat crookedly. But Holly and I were okay with it.

Should I worry that the passive role has never really bugged me? Is it too weird that I don’t really mind being pushed away and wooed back from time to time?

I do get it—that I was, maybe still am, mildly masochistic in this relationship. But it’s been this way for so long. And I know Holly’s fears and disappointments as well as I know her apparent confidence and arrogance. It might not be a perfectly stable structure, but it has its own center of gravity.

I’m the weak one. But I’m also the smarter one. That’s okay by Holly, because “smart” is not high on her list of desirable attributes, so I can have it. This has made a difference, too. It is as though being played is okay, so long as you are aware that it’s happening.

She is the pretty one. It’s understood between the two of us that she is still the pretty one, even after the billboard. And she still tells me what looks good on me, or doesn’t, or how I should wear my hair—all that stuff, and expects me to recognize her authority.

Only, in this odd time of celebrity, I have some glamourglow that I can see people enjoy being around. It’s not that they like me any better, just that it is such a desirable coin for no good reason—I’m friends with the model on that billboard, see that girl up there? She’s my friend, she goes out with my mate, she’s at my school, we hang out.

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